Do you believe in magic?!

I am a woman of mystery.

I got a tattoo (my 15th) on Monday evening after work. I have always wanted to get my parents wedding date, finally after years of pissing, I decided to get off the pot. 

As the needle touched my skin, '3 libras' by A Perfect Circle came on the radio and 'Vicarious' by TOOL followed. I know what you're thinking, so fucking what?

Well now, let me help you piss your pants...those two songs have played for the last 6 tattoos I have gotten (and this has been since I was 20, getting inked in Ottawa and Toronto in various parlours) as soon as the artist started on my permanent marking of awesome.

Part two of piss in your pants is the fact that my ex-loverman is Maynard James Keenans' (singer for both bands) biggest fan. They are truly wonderful bands and anyone who loves progressive rock, feels the same way. The words that MJK uses through music is endearing, dangerously intune to another spiritual level, and frankly fucking fantastic.

Part three of piss in your pants is the fact that my ex-lovah (all will ferrell in a hot tub style on yo' ass) is a man of wicca. For those that do not know about wicca, I would suggest to read about it. A lot of people miscontrue this as crazy, black magic witchcraft; it is not in any way, shape or form. Wicca is a religion, a distinct spiritual path, that does no harm. People who use wicca to harm or hex will ultimately be doing damage to their own karma.

So back to pissing, he had this book of shadows (a journal with wicca protection so only said person can look into it without spells being put out there to a nosy fucker). It was filled with pictures, sketches, symbols, prayers, thoughts that all concerned his love for me even before we started dating. I never fucking thought twice when he would sit next to me and write in it, and he would usually ask me to look away when he would put it back to its place.

I do not believe in coincidences, everything happens for a reason (thanks Jude... www.tweal.blogspot.com ). I have had 50% of friends laugh at my 'silliness' and the other 50% question and wonder what the hell is up with that? (thanks Sarah, girl you have my back even if it's sweaty from yoga) I decided on Tuesday to go to Indigo and get a book on wicca, to try to understand where this was/is coming from.

It is crazy. I stayed up until 2am reading into our planets, our charts, our numbers, our rock/gemstones, our animals, our rules, our body. What I found (which this ex has known for years) is quite extreme.

The numbers for my planet (the sun) are 1, 6, 7, 8, 21, 111. This struck me seeing as my birthday is August 21 (08.21). His numbers are 4, 5, 6, 7, 72, 175 for his planet Venus and he has no numbers for his planet Pluto (he is a cusp baby).

With your planet you are given a 'magic square' that has scattered numbers from 1-42 in it. Depending on your planet, some squares are small, medium, and large. I noticed right away that if I counted my squares as years, in the 25th spot I will be 25 years old (also counts as 2012 and trust me, my planet talks a lot about the mayans). I turned to his square, and guess mother fucking what...on his 25th spot is the number 25. I also saw that when I was 17, my square held his birthdate number of 23 (I was 17 when I first saw him and fell in love).

Another fun fact, when it comes to my metal, I am gold..the book said that gold corresponds to diamonds, the heart and the letter E...yup, you guessed it--that is what his name starts with. (and yeah, I just about shit my pants when I read that one)

When it comes to rocks/gemstones...we both shared amber which is Venus' planet and Leos' astrological house. Amber is used to balance yin (one of his rules) and yang (one of my rules). He also has amythest as one of his gemstones. Amythest correspondes to Jupiter (a planet based on my fire element) and Pluto (one of his planets). Thursday is amythests' day...fuck I was born on a Thursday!

I could go on with more of the strange similarities...but I'm going to leave it to my belief in the effects of positive energy within the universe.. I just feel that I was meant to get that tattoo on Monday, to hear those songs again in the weirdest, unexplainable of way, and to research what it could all mean.

I wound up at Indigo again today to look at books on dreams and stumbled upon a Leo book for 2011. It had day by day characteristics for this year, and my day for tomorrow Thursday January 27th, 2011 said that I would be moving. HOW FUCKING TRIPPY IS THAT?!

I will leave you with provoking thoughts and a poem/spell that I fell in love with as a little girl (seriously, I stole it from the school library and if some bitch hadn't made me return it, who knows where I would be)

 The Poison Tree by William Blake

I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe;
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I water'd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with my smiles
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright;
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,

And into my garden stole
When the night had veil'd the pole:
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretch'd beneath the tree

My new addition with a side of alien smile

                                  Shatter by OPI worn with Lemon Fuzz by China Glaze

hazah!

I'm the doodle bear, I come with pens for writing on

I want 2011 to be a year of excitement and happiness, hence my decision to move out of my cute little apartment. It has been my staple for two years, but it's time to move on from obnoxious neighbours, and that fucking staircase that elephants run up and down.

I have to pack!

 I am keeping in the same building so you would think that packing is going to go down smoothly (hahaha not so much jess). I have a lot of stuff... I have a lot of needless stuff from when I was a kid that is now surfacing... the totes of stuffed animals that mentally I just can't part with (this does not mean I have a mecca of teddy bears on my bed..I have a rule that if I want to keep stuffed animals, they stay in a tote and not out for everyone to think I have a weird fetish) the old books and drawings from elementary school that make me laugh my ass off when I reread them as an adult. The boxes of clothes that have really funky patterns, I would never fucking choose to wear outdoors nowadays but I begged my Mom to buy for me as a kid.

I am wondering how to part with this stuff and try to live a life with less clutter. A cluttered house means a cluttered mind right?! I have tried to get rid of some stuff and the guilt sets in everytime I get home to see the reject box. I want to be able to donate the things that I can and obviously trash the things that need it, but in a city like Toronto, I know I am going to see some crazy ass bum on Queen West waving around that teddybear that meant so much to me as a kid (probably with missing eyes and shit/crack stains on it).

When I was a weird kid, I use to think grabbing a kleenex and not using it was a sin because it never got to fulfill its duty to wipe that snot or dry those tears. I am not sure where my affection towards inanimate objects came from but they are obviously still with me as an adult.

I am not a hoarder, nor am I a pack rat....I just have things hanging out in cute Ikea storage boxes that most people would consider junk. For example, I collect old trash magazines...I do not know why, but I love to look at them years later and see what went on, who was dating who, the demise of the Golden Couple, the style some stars had, the ones who went to rehab, the ones who passed away, the frivolity of it all.

I am excited to go home tonight and just raid my small apartment and TRY to get rid of as much as I can. Since I am moving into my new apartment blindly, I do not know the space or what the closet is like, I do know it's bigger than what I have now, but lord, if I have to expose those totes, I will certainly not be a happy camper when friends come over and ask "oh what's in that tote?"...the answer will always be "mind your business, you nosy bitch"

I loovved doodle bear!

The notebooks that ruled my life for 6 years

My parents still have my pogs, I carry two in my wallet--one of Moe Szylak and one of a T-Rex because I love them how people love their own children.

hazah!

I want an enhancement..and I want it now.

Hello, my name is Jessika, and I am addicted to (gel) nails.

I want the world of women to believe in beautiful nails. I love nail enhancements, and of course, they are not for everyone, (haha yes, they are) but women should at least have them painted (even in clear coat).

To have nail enhancements is one thing...to have proper nail enhancements is a whole new ball game.

(it's like Mark Mcgwire, who was an amazing baseball player until recently confessing he used performance enhancing drugs vs Cal Ripken JR who played the game with love, passion and proper technique; never needing the juice)

Let me start off by saying that you do not have gel nails. No matter what they tell you, you were fooled by your 'nail technician', and you paid (extra) money for it.

They used the powder and liquid didn't they?! Well, well, well, that is what we like to call acrylic. What I am about to write will hopefully scare you away from the 'glory' of chop shops and their cheap prices....

The acrylic that they use is the same product that they use in your dental office (wow, I feel like Julien Assange right now..nailleaks)....so while you are getting your bi-weekly fill, think of grandma's dentures...you could have just asked that old bitch to do the fill for you (family discount..holla!).

Proper acrylic goes by the name of 'Solar Nail'...it's a CND product...
yeah, CND has the cuticle oil that smells like cherry & almond bark..boom

**while I do not recommend getting acrylic nails because of the chemical factor, at least you know the proper brand to go with..always ask your nail tech..think of it as a restaurant when you ask for dressing on the side..bitch better understand**

Gel is Gel.

It fucking looks like the goop yo' mang (cheech n chong pronounciation) be putting in his hair every morning.

It takes a UV lamp to cure the product with no if, ands, or buts. Some chop shops will tell you it's gel nails, when infact, it's just a gel top coat over acrylic nails.

Do you ever watch your nail technician drill your nails before she fills the regrowth?

Gel is very, very dusty, hell that shit can make a mountain of dust in a minute, acraplic..oops acrylic does not give off any dust...so there you go, something to look out for on the fill.

There is no way in hell you are paying 20 dollars for a gel/bio-gel fill...and, it takes an hour to do nail enhancements properly (including a gel manicure..why not spend the time) , not the chop shop 20...this includes you too, GTA.

What if you were allergic to the (acrylic) monomer or powder?! How would you feel waiting in the ER for hours on end because of your nails?! How much do you believe in someone that hardly communicates english claiming it's gel?!

fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice (pause and look around) can't get fooled again

gw bush... everything that is wrong with your mentality.

my faboulous gel nails..yes my right hand is not long..but it's still gel.

and yes, my rack is great..oh, hi pops :(

a sorry assed close up of my gel nails..they are amazing. freehanded flowers with a gel overlay, then silver and pink rhinestones, with another thin gel overlay....these should last me a month. 

hazah! 

Before The Devil Knows You're Dead

We live in a world with grand temptation. How are we to believe that there is such an ideal of lasting love..

Finn met Stella at Ms.Dinsmoor's estate at a very young age. She was the first to make him feel anything remotely close to love since his family abandoned him to his uncle Joe. The lifetimes he wished he could be with such a refined girl. How his heart broke when she jetted off to France for her studies. How his heart was mended through his art, through his lifelike drawings of Stella. How he was discovered and sent off to New York City. How he magically ran into Stella on a beautiful New York day. How she tried to be with Finn over and over again to only break his heart. How when, one day in their future they would meet at Ms. Dinsmoor's estate and pick up from there. 

For those that believe in everlasting love, whether they had to wait for it.

I love you like the stars above, I'll love you till I die, Juliet. The Montagues and The Capulets lived a life of hatred for one another. They hoped to portray these feelings towards their teenage children, but fate would have it a different way. The way Romeo fell for Juliet is ever so endearing. The soliloquy's they made **through the pen of Shakespeare** would have been shouted from a mountain top if they had such a chance. The destruction of all that was their love because of their families adversities. As sad as they ended, they chose to die with untainted love for one another.

For those that believe in everlasting love, whether they had to sacrifice for it.

At first sight, Noah was immediately taken by Allie. He did everything in his being just to get a simple date with her. The cost of living a rich and rewarding life her parents had chosen for her versus the life she felt around Noah, feeling his touch, reeling in his kiss; was more real to her than any money could buy. Her strong sense of self, but knowing as a youth in that day, not much could happen..led her to leave that love behind and eventually fall "in love" with another man. When Noah made all his dreams come true in that house, all the effort he put into it knowing, that one day Allie would see it and maybe see him in another light made him strive for it all. And yes, she fell once again. The lasting relationship they had, how he never left her side throughout all they had faced...when they became old and gray.

For those that believe in everlasting love, when you have to wait and sacrifice for it.

I do believe in love. It may not be the story tales of 'Great Expectations' by Charles Dickens, 'Romeo and Juliet' by Shakespeare or 'The Notebook' by Nicolas Sparks but what I believe is out there, pure and full of la joie de vivre. It will be everlasting because at the end of the day, true love needs to strive to be with a person of similar positive beliefs, no matter how much opposite in life we are. Love is love and we all deserve to believe in its being.

**when you look in the mirror and wonder where that soulmate (of yours) is, just remember that said person is looking right back in their own mirror and thinking the same thing**

hazah!

Comic Books Turn Pages

I have always loved cartoons.

 When I realized at a young age that I could, infact draw, I was drawn (pun not intended) to cartoon figures.

The beautiful Jessica Rabbit (whoever drew her obviously loves to masterbate; probable on going arguement between gary k wolf, russell hall and richard williams).

Archie and the Gang, (such art work of hooligans that I, with tremendous inspiration, spread onto my kitchen backsplash).

Gem and the Holograms (possibly the reason why, I went into the beauty industry). 

The wonder and hardwork I put into a nail cartoon (obviously on my vain self) while trying to portray its expression in a near paperless world can either be remarkably difficult or inexcusably remarkable.

I think the Jetsons are in order for my next "get nailed" venture..or maybe the

Flintstones..either way Hanna Barbera is gonna find a way to sue my ass.

Side Note: Crocs are so the world of the past (and the constant gardener not featuring Ralph Fiennes means that gardening aint really worth it...VOLDERMORT, yes I love HP). KROC --non registered brand-- hailing from Ottawa is how this blog makes it money. (were you laughing too, knowing that I do not make money off this blog........yet)

Here is to cartoons in nail format...

 The only way Kathleen Turner will be loved by excruciating beauty.

 That righteous feeling boys feel in their drawers--nail format

 I want hamburgers obviously, but do they have sweet potato fries at Pop Tate's?!

Harry Potter...about to use the world's view of money; debit.

How Jack Bauer spends his nights off CTU or UNDERCOVER.

Side Note Once Again; if you want to see the indestructible composure that is art (and mainly the opposite of cartooning)... 
check out
 **I hired a drum roll for a reason**

 http://maslowiec.carbonmade.com/

(he's a daring, inventive, devout artist. climb into his earthly being, a substitute life for absract in seconds).
**basically this dude can draw. I believe that his latest breasts drawings were developed from my rack of greatness. His views may be different obtaining a 'posing method' theory...well then pose them again with the
A cup you have been using since time**.

 

hazah!

The Reason. The Season. The Lifetime

"The whole world is not meant to like every aspect of who I am, and frankly Scarlet, I don't give a damn."

**just a quote the late great clark gable and I are working on**

The visible mystery of how we meet/met the people we know/knew.

The ones that are in your shadow during the darkest nights. The ones that preserve your every thought as if it were their own. The ones who share a bright eyed future, who believe in positive energy. The ones that want to be apart of an endearing story.

The Reasons you will continue to enjoy the company of these good folk.

The ones that laugh when you weren't really telling a joke. The ones that tell you that your ass really can't wear white linen pants (oh and beige doesn't work either..did I say that they only met you 2 days ago?!). The ones who collide with you on your views of attainable (self) goals. The ones that hold up your hair over the porcelain yet forget your name in five.

The Seasons you have faced with these people will end yet, you can always expect a repeat four times a year.

The ones that your everyday you thank a god for bringing them into your being. The laughter you share that increases your adoration for one another. The ones who endure all that you are made of and still stand to be their own person. The source of all that is life.

The Lifetimes you only hope to **encounter with these souls.

**reincarnation**

As human beings, we have each type in our lives. We sometimes let the reasons slide by because we test our own happiness. We sometimes let the seasons gather round for too long. We sometimes let the lifetimes tolerate who we are, we then decide to do better, to be better, to love more, to laugh more, to have more light in our eyes, our minds, our ever being of dreams...all because it will last a lifetime. 

and God rested on the seventh day.

side note: y'all need to read 'the picture of dorian gray' by my main man, Oscar Wilde..

hazah!

how long has your head been in your own ass?!

"take my advice, if your heart's not in it, let it go"

those are the sweet words of reggae artist Beres Hammond from his song 'let it go'

"stop wasting time, don't fool yourself, it won't grow"

"if your heart's not in it"

Okay..I am done my rambling...or am I?! I just do not have respect for most music these days. I live for music. I used to live for stealing my parents cds..now that I do not live at home it's more difficult (my own collection has always beat theirs but its nice to NOT buy your own Garth Brooks greatest hits cd)...I used to have a policy that if I have it for more than two weeks than damn straight it belongs to me!!! Oh! and how well that went over with my folks.

I am not a fan of Lady Gaga. Yes, she is catchy but so is herpes. I do not understand why she makes music. If Frank Zappa were still alive, he would spit in her wannabe face..then he would realize that spitting is not enough and he would, from heaven pass the torch to his son Ahmet. Her lyrics are bogus..(bill and ted could have done a better job writing songs)

Another loser is Katy Perry. As a nail technician, she is a daring dream. As a vocalist, she is the ughh, ewww and why oh why!!! I think she sounds alot like Ethel Murman...think about it and listen once again to everything she has made.

I am a believer in music. I live to sing, ask my parents, ask my sisters, ask Sarah, ask Natalie (okay so, you don't know these people). I just love singing. I have a wonderful voice...my Madre used to stand outside my room when I thought she was out shopping, she would knock on my door when I would finish singing "killing me softly" and barge in saying how great I was... (umm yeah ma, I know, but I'm in my skivvies). I would put on Cher concerts for my Mom most friday nights. I would drop Whitney's "I will always love you" on my friends at the bus stop to rave reviews. DO YOU GET HOW MUCH I AM IN LOVE WITH THE WORD OF MUSIC YET?

I am a fan of the ability to strum a guitar a la Jimmy Page. I am a fan of the concern I feel for most people when they try to sing Celine Dion. I am a fan of the beautiful and never ending voices of the Mamas and the Papas. I am a fan of the one and only Otis Redding that cures any bad day in my opinion. I am a fan of John Fogerty and his voice full of soul that makes you crank 'do do do looking out my back door' (I say John Fogerty instead of CCR because his own brother stole all his music lawfully from him but then died of cancer in 91..ha) I am in love with the heavy metal of Metallica, that if you break it down, it is nothing but classical music 2.0 (and yeah, I am after your penis James Hetfield....and then the rest of you after I have decided that you're well endowed).

Another great mention should be Heart...the way Nancy Wilson air kicks is like the only aerobics video I need. Ann Wilson is the only bitch that could carry Led Zepplin if 'sir your highness' Robert Plant would let her.

My post could go on forever...but since this is not my computer (donations can be made at jessikaneedsanewlaptop.com) I will end it for now.

When you listen to your ipod or disc-man (yep, I still rep it, have not charged the pod since summer 10) make sure that it is with words and lyrics that help or influence your life... not the fact that you have a poker face, or that you kissed a girl and liked it..
People will and have judged you.

hazah!

Get Nailed

They say the grass is always greener on the other side, but here I stand in a concrete jungle. I do not believe that my life will be spent looking for a greener side, I live in a city of dreams and nothing is going to stop me from achieving them. I was born to succeed.

I want to discuss fun and simple nail patterns that will dominate your manicure.

-The Tuxedo (some people refer to this one as half moon, but I like to jazz it up) look is very easy to achieve. Get your manicurist to simply outline the half moon with a nail art brush and choose the colors you want. Easy Peezey Lemon Squeezey.

The Zebra (some refer to it as Tiger) look is another quick print that spices up those nails. Your manicurist will paint your nails to your liking then she will take a nail art brush of a complementary color and quickly make lines that oppose each other. Grrr baby grrr.

The French 2.0 look revisits the classic take. I am not a big fan of classic french manicures (are you that boring in bed too?!) And this is just as fun! You can choose one or more lacquers and use the same steps of applying as you normally would. Jazz it up with nail art pens after.

The Checkered look is very eye catching. It takes a little more time to do (about 20 minutes) but the results are stunning. Choose your lacquers and have your manicurists 'map out' the lines in a black nail art pen, proceed to fill in the lines with opposing colors and then finish with strong black lines.

So there you have it! Be daring when it comes to what you wear on your nails. You only live once and there is so much amazing and original nail art out there. If you do not live dangerously with your clothing, why not represent with your nails?

Funny side note: My sister got her nails done yesterday. She went to a place called "princess nails" (so fitting for her) and she was watching them like a hawk. She was asking them about services I do for her and my clients for no extra charge, a UV gel top coat for one, and they looked at her like 'how the fuck does she know about this?!'


Now, on a last note...I am sooo excited that Blue Valentine has finally opened. Ryan Gosling has been my celebrity dream man since he was cast as Sean on "Breaker High". He and Michelle Williams look flawless in it--I being without cable haven't even seen the trailer but what they touch will be movie gold.

hazah!

Daddy's Little Girl

Hello, my name is Jessika (pronounced je-sea-kah) and I am a Daddy's Girl. Not only did he do me a great justice when I was in the womb by stopping my Mom from calling me names like 'Paige, Anastacia, Jacqueline' but he figured out that all the pretty girls are named Jessica and went from there. I believe it was his idea to add the k and when he did, he knew he was Kicking me into mayor of awesometown.

I have alot in common with my ol' man river. For one, we both love to collect movies. He is adamant about having them all Blu Ray and rubbing it in my face but that's only because I took his amazing 5 disc dvd changer from him almost a year ago. I tell him I could careless about Blu Ray, and it's true because my movie collection kicks his anyday. We both have a need to watch everything with subtitles...frankly because we are going deaf AND to catch everything that happens. (seriously, in LOTR2 there is plently of hidden dialogue)

We also like to play pranks. It's rare to get my Daddy to answer the phone without 5 minutes of him just repeating 'halla?halla?halla?'. Whereas I call my parents with my alter ego <Paul Rubenstein Insurance Broker> and they play along everytime.

I also got some real big juicy lips from my Dad. Thank the lord, I love ya Mom, but the men want to see lips and hips. haha
ha too much?!

As I am getting older, I am starting to resemble my Pops more and more. Most of the time, I feel bad for girls with brothers/fathers that they resemble, cuz it normally isn't a pretty situation, but my Pops is one good looking dude, think a mix of Michael Keaton and John Travolta...ladies love him...but watch out cuz my Mom will rip off yo' heads if you try anything with her man. (that's right Marina, I'm talking about you ;))

And hey, Mom, don't be hurt that this post isn't about you....learn to give your 'size 11 shoe' daughter those Christian Louboutains and maybe you'll be up here representing....I'm kidding and NO, I don't need to see the stretch marks I left you 24 years ago.

dash of keaton



with a pinch of johnny

hazah!

dream a lil dream of me

I have a love affair with dreaming. Most human beings would say they enjoy sleep because it recharges their energy, to hell with energy, I sleep for the dreaming aspect. I get so captured in the adventures, the realness that I feel when I am dreaming vs the confusion of when I awake.

I find it all very mysterious. This is one aspect that no matter how you try, you just cannot control. Some people believe that dreams are fragments of what happened in your day and people you thought of. I guess I can see where that idea comes from, but hey, get in my head when I'm dreaming...there is no way in hell I was thinking about being back in high school for a few missed credits at 24.

I have very intense dreams. I frequently consult my friend Sarah about them. She gives really wonderful and genuine insight to what they could mean. I am thankful for her, otherwise I would be pretty miserable at work when I have my tsunami dreams that you know, wipe out all and everything around me. Strange how dreams affect you after you have woken up and realized life is still there. And boy, they do affect me most days.

Last night, I had some crazy series of dreams. I dreamt that an old flame and I were back together and it was (in the dream) just the most magnificent relationship ever. Funny thing about this person, he actually took form of his father...weird I know. So first thing I did as I woke was bbm'd Sarah to tell her about it and I will probably keep her updated about my emotions this whole fucking day. I was back in a state of love for this person when I woke up...now as the green tea has kicked in, I'm in more of a neutral state. I don't like when this person comes into dream play, I make myself believe that he (from the dream) has some ability to affect my day.

Other than those mix ups....dreaming is fucking fantastic. I've learned to race cars, fly with ease, ride the grandest roller coasters and much much more. I love what my brain comes up with each and every night. It's almost like I'm fulfilling small goals that really are either not humanly possible (yeah, no one can fly, no matter what the drug..winkwink) or that will take me some time (I'm scared of heights but somehow I manage in dreamworld).

I tend to keep the dreams I love very private so I can revisit them at a later time in life. It's one of my weird quirks but I believe if you tell too many people, that dream will close up. It's no wonder I haven't been back to South Africa with Kate Moss.

So whether it's in life or sleep...DREAM BIG!!...like Tom Hanks ;)

Fuck, now I could really use a nap.



hazah!