Friday, January 27, 2012

All Is Fair In Love and Warcraft

What do driving on slippery highways and relationships have in common?
Warning Signs!

Did I get a chuckle out of you? At least tell me you grinned.

The start of a relationship is always part thrilling and part worry.
'we are going on another date tonight!!!'
"oh shit, are my spanx clean!?"
I am not speaking of casual dating, frankly that scares the crap out of everyone!
'oh lord jesus, he had bad b.o!!'
'i did not get laid, onto the next bitch'

I speak of the label of boyfriend and girlfriend - when it gets to the point you stop replaying Adele's 'Rolling in the Deep'/putting down the president's choice Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream (yes, it exists) and move more into the beat of KISS' 'I was made for loving you'. 
I think a few months is a good time to determine if this is the relationship for you. Of course it is you say, but then the warning signs set in and your decision becomes flawed.

warning sign one

It should be about nights on the town. 
Discovering new little places to share together.
If the guy wants to plant his ass on your couch during the first 2 months...
Kindly ask him to remove his ass from your couch and leave!
(new romances should not be about watching the latest episode of Friends..shit has been off the air for almost eight years)

warning sign two

It should not be about providing...just yet.
If he says he wants to buy you something/pay for things but does not come through after four weeks, he has already forgotten about it. Men often say what they think women want to hear. Guess what, I do not need you to pay my rent....I already GOT THIS.
(new romances should be about the cute repertoire of wondering who is paying for dinner, the dance for the check..)

warning sign three

Women tend to like hearing the voice of their man.
With all the instant messaging going around, he is gonna get lazy and think it is cool to constantly use this resource. If you have only had six phone conversations in the span of two months...
have I told you to RUN OUT THE DOOR YET?!
(new romances, they should include some late night phone calls of getting to know one another (feel sixteen again) and who knows, could lead somewhere dirty... sorry mom, sorry dad)

warning sign four

This is the biggest of them all. 
If he tells you before two months that he is a gamer. I love video games, do not get me wrong (hook me up with CJ from San Andreas and his jet pack). I have a nintendo controller tattooed to me, but there comes a time and a place. When he would rather stick to text messaging and you feel you have to ask to call...
this guy is so not worth your time!
(why the fuck is he wanting to play XBOX instead of playing YOUR BOX?! Does he lack social skills? Is he allergic to the daylight? Video games are NOT a hobby, no matter how much you try to lawyer me on that one. They are an addiction, one that most strong women will not stick by if you choose to value virtual vs reality)

Be honest with yourself and with a new relationship. 
I am not saying that if your man shows some of these signs it is, not going to work out. I am simply saying to keep the level of independence you had before you met him. 

 *not all men are included in this blog, but most of y'all are guilty*

when he becomes mr nonsense..

 I become little miss scary