Friday, December 31, 2010

Develop, Revamp, Appreciate

I'm going to finally do it. I'm going to spend my 2010 tax return. I have a vision of what my style will be for 2011. It's going to do what I like to call "kick ass and take names".

I want to thank Jaime Lee Curtis for getting my ass in gear on the whole "dress yourself in a simple wardrobe of black and white". It gives you room to literally embellish and with a Mother like mine, you best believe your accessories are amazing.

I admire Marlon Brando because his look in "The Wild One" has inspired me to move my style into first gear of loving leather and mili boots.

The one and only Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. How I would love for you to be in my nightly dreams. You are the epitome of class and a lady (that's right Grace Kelly, you saw this from above). Whatever happened to frivolous practicality within hats?! Roy Frowick would be rolling around in his ever so spacious grave. (yes, I am talking about Halston).

I am going to dedicate the start of my new year with an intricate fashion board--straight up for inspiration. I like to live by 'fail to plan, plan to fail'. So yes, style does come either naturally or not, but it is never a bad decision to plan what yo' ass be wearing. (Would you go to Mexico without an itinerary?!)

Hello 2011, hello lace, hello faux fur, hello simple lines, hello my ass is big and yeah, I'm still gonna wear jeggins.


How much his style influenced us all years later...

My Favorite Photo Of The First Style Icon

Rachel Bilson is the evolution of style and I cherish this woman's ideals of it all.

Laptop will not let me rotate it! The start of my board.


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Adam vs Eve

I want to change the way most men think when it comes to getting their hands and feet pampered. I have surveyed a bunch of men and they all came to the same conclusion of why they do not get 'groomed'

a) they feel embarrassed by their hands/feet
b) the nail bar is too feminine

HOW CAN I CHANGE YOUR MIND?! HOW CAN I HELP YOU INDULGE IN THE MOST PLEASURABLE THING ALIVE...(okay it's a close second to your orgasms..yeah that's right Mom and Dad...I typed orgasms)

Let me start off by saying that plenty of women are just as embarrassed by their feet. We wear heels daily, c'mon what else would you expect other than some ugly ass calluses that take some mighty fine elbow grease to get rid of.

We also get those damned ingrown toe nails on our big toe because of heels..that shit hurts and it ain't pretty.

Some women even get fungi from going to chop-shops. Oh yeah wanna suck on my toes now don't you?!

If you find the nail bar your lady friend frequents to be too girly, then go specifically to a Gent's Grooming Bar. Don't for a second think that it's weird that a man would work on you...hell they are the ones that give the best foot massages.
It's 2011, get with it.

You claim to be such a big, bold, strong sex. Then let that mentality claim your hands and feet.

If you still have reservations about man pampering, well there are things you can do at home while the girlfriend/wife is out spending your hard earned dough. It will be your little secret until the day you take off your socks and she's saying "damn, where have those been all my life?"

Basic Manicure... (it has the word man in it for a fucking reason)

1. grab a nail file and round your nails (avoid clipping if you can)
2. take a bowl of water/soap and soak your cuticles (3-5 minutes)
3. push back the cuticles (and not with a set of keys)
4. do not nip anything...(let's leave that to professionals)
5. cuticle oil
6. hand cream

VOILA! You are done. I would suggest watching the game while doing this... easy man-factor to get rid of the girly feeling.

Basic Pedicure... (ped rhymes with bed, let's face it, men like the bedroom)

1. clip toe nails and round them off with a file
2. push back cuticles
3. buff the bottoms of the feet with a foot file
4. quickly put a scrub on and rinse off
5. moisturize with a heavier cream or vaseline (it's in your medicine cabinet..winkwink)
6. put your socks back on to lock it in and absorb

OH SNAP! You have now done more for your feet and it was all in the time that your lover wasn't around.

There are nail bars/spas that offer mens night once a week.
Check your local listings!

for those in the toronto region

okay, so now my vanity ensues..I just did these today

and I'll just add this one since I'm hella proud of my artwork


Saturday, December 18, 2010

The strange world of weak women

I will be the first to admit that I am overly dramatic. I don't mean in the sense that my emotions are up and down at all times, I mean in the way that a part of my life has always geared towards acting. I like to be dramatic. Even when I was younger and the start of school was fast approaching, I would always sit my parents down for a fashion show of all my new clothes and shoes...even if they saw one top, they didn't see that one top with get my drift.

With that being said, my dramatic nature is not a sign of an unstable life. I was raised by two of the most fascinating people you will ever meet. They showed me at a young age how to be a strong, independent woman. I am that woman today. It may have taken a while for my brain to recognize this but here I am...standing tall and never backing down.

I can't stand weak women. I just can't. The ones that linger on men that treat them like shit, the ones that are waiting by the phone for that apology..honey it ain't gonna happen and sooner than later, you will be the one calling to apologize.....such bullshit!

They cry, they wonder what they did wrong, they drive themselves to the point of a Jennifer Aniston pity party. Hey bitch, get the man off that pedastool and fucking get your OWN life. It's okay to sleep at night alone, it's okay to carry your grocery bags home yourself, it's okay to go see a movie alone. What I'm trying to get at is that beyond what relationships are, you must always maintain a strong sense of self. A sense of power within your own being. A bond with your head and heart before you portray it to others. 

I could have been one of these weak women. I have mentioned in a past blog that I was in a terribly abusive relationship, but where would crying over some 'douche bag that thinks drinking and beating are the way to spend a friday night' get me?! It certainly would have been a big slap in the face to my parents and how they raised me. It would have been a slap to my friends who care and love me. It would have been a slap in my own face, my own dreams, my own passion, my one and only life. So what did I do?! I backed out of that relationship and moved to the greatest city brilliant Toronto. 

We had plans to move here together in April 09. I was saving like a fiend. I was working hard at a job I didn't quite love but hey it was money for the city I had envisioned myself in since 16. One day in November 08, I had it out with my boss...she was an idiot that talked to me in a way that I just didn't care for. So I left then and there...if there's not an ounce of respect then why stay around?! I came home to my (ex) boyfriend and told him that I couldn't wait any longer for Toronto..that January was when I was moving--with or without him. He was so wishy washy, one day it was "yes Jess, I can't wait" the next day it was "oh fuck no, I can't leave the recording studio" **hey dummy, if you wanna stick around for a studio in Ottawa and think Toronto has nothing to offer..well your brain is as small as your penis**  Then his mother started to get involved calling our home at 2am crying and saying "he isn't old enough to make this decision" or "you can't leave me" **hey lady dummy, you left your kids to be on their own when they were great parenting**

And on that fateful night of December 12 08, he went kookoo. I won't blog about the experience in details..but it was just that--an experience. Horrific and heartbreaking as it was, I knew the direction to take. I knew to not wait around for it to happen again. I left, I found my little apartment and moved two weeks after the traumatic incident.


Alot of my friends think I can be selfish, yes I can but look where it's gotten me. I have faith in myself and if some consider that as selfish, then sell me all the fish in the world cuz that's the drama queen in me. I know I am awesome and I know how much this guy has missed out. Not just on the relationship with me, but with a city that could have been his light.

A day of judgement will reach us all and his will come, and he will live in a petty obstructed life. A life of seldom self forgiveness. A life of the meek. And let me tell you, not out of spite (because I have within myself forgiven him) but he's gonna be a troubled adult. And it makes me rah rah rah a little bit.


Friday, December 17, 2010

She Lacs It Alot

I have decided to begin this post by making a list of my top ten Kenny vs Spenny episodes. If you do not watch the Canadian show, frankly you are missing out.

10. Who can wear an octopus on their head the longest (s3 ep3).
9. Who can imitate the other guy better (s3 ep11)
8. Who can blow the biggest fart (s4 ep2)
7. Who can eat more meat (s4 ep4)
6. Who can smoke more weed (s5 ep10)
5. Who can win a cockfight (s6 ep5)
4. First guy to touch the ground loses (s5 ep5)
3. Who can bone more women (s5 ep2)
2. Who can live in a van the longest (s1 ep25)
1. Who can drink more beer (s2 ep1)

There you go folks, y'all come back now ya hear..seriously come back, I'm not done blogging yet...

Welcome to the fabulous world of nail expression. The colors oh me oh my, how they show your personality, but OH NO wait! There is a god awful chip, smudge, the shine is no longer showing you do in fact have parsley in your I have you all depressed?! Well Annie, take a load off because there is a cure.....(no, it's not that extra glass of merlot) 


This is like totally awesome..that's right I'm getting all Cher Horowitz on your ass...
Welcome to the world of hybrids. Take two things, mix 'em together and voila! That is a badass fucker (peanut butter cups anyone?!)

Shellac is a hybrid of gel/lacquer. It goes on like lacquer and has the power to last up to 14 days like gel. Although it only offers 12 colors at the moment, there is Shellac layering to create your own personalized shade. Did I mention that it has ZERO dry time?! Fuck yes, get those idiot clients in and out! boom bam thank you for the swell day motherfucker, but I don't have to make small chat while you air dry...(to the clients I love..stay all day!)

*Shellac does not include Formaldehyde, Toluene or DBP (Dibutyl Phthalate).

Now I hear you asking...hmmm that sounds great but "hey Jess, how much?
Salon and Spas incorporate different pricing for Shellac. Some spots may charge you a $10 soak off fee (*do not soak Shellac in a bowl of acetone. Use the CND removal wraps) while other spots may include that in the initial pricing. The Shellac manicure is priced between $40-60 and the Shellac pedicure is priced between $60-70.

To find out more please visit and let it dominate your manicure!

Can you take a guess at this episode?

The night that I met THE MAN!

 Shellac Baby


Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Meeting Your Maker

I was fortunate enough today to have an amazing client with an endearing story. She walked in with her Mom, head scarf and all. I was thinking "damn, that is a nice scarf and she has a tale". I initially thought it was aloepecia, which has invaded my life since I was 17. The insecure, inappropriate comments I had faced (still do to this day) all came back to me.

My client and her Mom decided to do mani/pedi's and I was introduced to Tara. I immediately felt connected. She, after about 10 minutes told me that she was sick, she was diagnosed with non hodgkins lymphoma in September. My heart almost stopped. She is 23.

To see such spirit within someone who knows a last breath, chance of laughter, shot at love are coming quickly to an end, made me want to live for her. To live for me. To live for the douche bags that look at her funny because she 'looks' different.

I have strong beliefs in positive energy towards life and the universe. If you live life daily with optimism, the universe will shoot it right back at you. I guess being in a terribly abusive relationship and leaving successfully helped me with these notions I have. There had to be something greater, a calling for me. And it smacked me in the face almost a year ago.

I lost a friend in August 2009. Anyone that lives in Ontario knows about the Michael Bryant case. Darcy was a friend, I saw him a half an hour before his death. When I found out he passed away, that is when I chose to live, chose to live with love, with possible rare honesty, with profound depth into just living. I do not let one day go by without telling my loved ones that I love them. I do not carry on with a shield. I lay it all on the line, whether or not my heart may break.

My client Tara, she was a force of positive energy. She smiled when talking about possible wigs to wear (as someone with aloepecia, I recommended her to some places). She did not shy away from questions about her illness. She provided ME with such great strength, I'm sure she didn't know it, but her spirit felt it.

It is sad to know that one's life with end suddenly, but we all die. It's what good you do in this world, what happiness we provide to the ones we love, the sacrifices we make as human beings to make the memories last within us, until we meet our maker.

To my client, Tara.... your will to live and to experience more than what was handed to you...
The beginning of life is where you think it's ended...the end is never an absolute.


Monday, December 6, 2010

Best Foot Forward

It is my opinion that winter is the time to really take care of your feet. It's the perfect opportunity to prepare them for the spring/summer months that lay ahead. That being said, here I go...

Chop Shops 101

Welcome to class! How is everyone?

Why do some women still go to these nail spots?! they can save an extra 10-20 dollars. Hey, we women are all about saving a few bucks, but at what cost to your health?

First off, chop shops DO NOT sterilize their instruments properly. Spraying implements with alcohol is not enough (and it should always be 70% isopropyl alcohol). They need to be washed first with soap and water, sprayed with alcohol, sit in a disinfectant for 10 minutes, then go under a UV light for an hour, a lastly package them into a sterlization bag.

Now, let's talk about files and buffers... you say no way in hell are you letting someone use an old file or buffer on your toes...wrong...chop shops re-use their files and buffers...once again without proper sterilization, cuz that would be THE GARBAGE. Files cost .49, buffers cost .69, so my question is why do you not get a  fresh sterilized package with the contents inside, never used before? At my nail shop, we charge for SANI PACS... it is one dollar for your own file, buffer, drill head, and scrub brush.....and you can choose to keep or chuck.

Onto the bottoms of your feet. Credo Blades are THE DEVIL. If you do not do a proper inspection of your clients feet and ask them about health issues, then why the hell are you in this industry? Credo Blades are banned in all proper nail shops/nail bars. Why would you allow someone to take that to your foot? If you have cracks/calluses, it makes them worse. If you have diabetes, and these choppers are using the blade on you, hey, I guess you don't value life too much. It will eventually damage your nerves. Think about if they cut you and you bleed like a mother fucker (such a rewarding pedicure eh, just to save a few bucks) If they can't get all the dead skin and callus off using a foot file, they can always take the drill (with a new head) to your feet.
*diabetics should not get lotion in between their toes aswell*

Okay, so now they have decided to use a scraggly ass pumice stone on your heels...I say, if you haven't ran like the wind yet, now is the time. The only harbour I enjoy is down by my place...pumice stones harbor germs and fungi...ohhh let's party with the pumice stone and develop stank ass feet, you will be the belle of the ball.

Lacquer should ideally be your responsibility. I never use other shops' lacquers. If I went to all the trouble to make sure the pedicure is perfectly clean, why would I sacrifice now? If pumice stones harbor germs and fungi, so do the lacquers. Chop Shops DO NOT turn people away, if you have nasty ass feet and toes, they just get the person who doesn't speak the most english to work on your feet. They do their "job" and out you go, but the germs still linger in that new bottle of OPI "Lincoln Park After Dark". Bring your own lacquer.

Don't risk the feet that get you from point A to point B-Z just to save an extra 10-20 dollars. Just don't fucking do it, it's your health.

Credo Blade

Pumice Stone

Your future if you choose not to smarten up.


Sunday, December 5, 2010

Darling, Your Ass Will Grow

My crazy ass decided to go out with the boys and have some drinks last night...well, welcome to debt Jess, because you hit yourself hard with that idiotic grocery bill last night. Why I thought to do groceries at 3 am is really beyond me..oh no wait, it's because I, was messed up on the ol' hooch. 

I spent 45 dollars alone on cheese. I bought brie, because if you don't like brie, then you're pretty fucking lame. I then heard the gods sing "hallelujia" and it was like french doors opening and the jalapeno harvarti was right there. I was right there with it. Then my drunk face saw this cheese ball, I said to myself  "slurrr slurrr slurrry" cuz you know, that's how drunk people talk and it ended up in my cart. So it was a surprise to me this morning to see a magnificent cheese party in my fridge. 

I proceded to load my cart with the essentials, and drove my soon to be sorry ass to the cash. I didn't even care at that point about being intoxicated in public, let alone having to carry all this shit back home with me. I somehow managed all the bags, then I threw a cheese party for two (my cat, what can I say, she loves cheese). All that was missing during this classy affair---the music of Otis Redding.

"This cheese of mine, makes my mouth less lonely" (yeah that's right, I remixed LP drops in 2020..baba wawa style)

Wheel Of Fortune..expanding your ass edition.

You had me at "hola"

For internal purposes only, I know you feel it too!


Friday, December 3, 2010

Let Your Nails Do The Talking

My List of Lacquers to Dominate Your Manicure

China Glaze "Lubu Heels" is a fantastic evening look. Black simplifies the look while the Red glitter brings the pop.

China Glaze "Recycle" is the cadillac of grey lacquers..nothing compares.

China Glaze "Agent Lavender" is my favorite for abstract designs. It is just remarkable.

China Glaze "Liquid Leather" is the boom of black. It symbolizes a dark, mysterious mood.

China Glaze "China Rouge" is the red of reds. This lacquer brings out the working woman.

China Glaze "Turned Up Turquoise" is the first lacquer I bought. It holds a magical place in my heart.

China Glaze "Lemon Fizz" is the get over yourself hue . It brings out the sweet and leaves out the bitch.

China Glaze "In the Limelight" is the teenage mutant ninja turtle look. I can see Splinter in the high shine reflection.

China Glaze "Ruby Pumps" is for the inner Dorothy in all of us. Clicking your heels is so out, Snapping your nails to get them did in this lacquer is so in.

this list may take my breath away, so as an asthmatic I will get back to the list in a couple days


Hello "Weekend"

If I only knew the meaning. I, somewhere in a state of mental confusion decided months back that, working seven days a week was "for me". I absolutely do not mind since I do what I love, but it does get exhausting hearing about my friend's affair with their beds and sleeping in.

It's been a great Friday thus far, I said "see you later" to a wonderful co-worker and friend today, I am excited for her and her new endeavours! She finally decided to soar, and soar she will. I will miss our mandatory Friday 12-1pm sing-a-longs. She was and always will be the best 'beat maker'.

The one thing I was most excited about today is I finally figured out my half sleeve. I had been struggling with the usual questions of "how can I connect everything", "what will I just love forever" and it came to me about a week ago. I have always loved Archie and the Gang, so my half sleeve is going to be beyond kickass, like Archie may pop out and kick your ass if you stare too hard at his woman.

I always end up at my sister's lovely *coughjealouscough* condo Friday nights. We hang out, youtubing old videos of kid songs we loved, we talk, we have some wine, we smoke our cigarettes on her creeper balcony...we make up stories about her neighbours, it's really just an incredible feeling of love, respect and laughter when we hang out.

As the night dwindles down, that is when my heart begins to pump passion. The 509 takes me on (probably) my favorite street in downtown Toronto, from the intense view of the CN tower and it's beautiful surrounding buildings (scotiabank!!) to the harbour and all its glorious summer memories, the Redpath and Sugar Beach. My friend Jon once decided to rollerblade to SB, then he threw a boy fit when we all were on the sand and he was too stubborn to take them off so he chilled on the big rock (bright idea eh...shout out to Jon, he is my best friend after all :) and I love that dude) It is just magic! Houdini magic, not that fake ass Copperfield.

I dreamed of this city since I was 16, and everyday I am thankful and amazed by the view it provides my eyes, the noise that hammers in my ears, the bums that shit in front of me (okay, not really thankful for that but it is worth a mention...diverse city indeed). I pursued it through heartbreak and many struggles and the city has always looked out for me. Toronto is my unofficial boyfriend..(he keeps getting a restraining order on me..apparently, I walk all over him)

Onto a nail tip......(drum roll please) grapes are not only a treat for the mouth, if you cut them in half and soak your cuticles, you will be stunned at the results and hey, you saved yourself a trip to get cuticle oil. (if you don't use cuticle oil, its no wonder your man doesn't want those hands near his junk)

Oh! and I saw "Burlesque"... it cured my 24hr stomach flu, well Cher did at least, so if you get a chance to see it, I suggest it (Stanley Tucci is a sweetheart). If you don't go to the theatre, you can always go to your neighborhood 'Trade Secrets' and marvel in the wonderful collaboration of OPI and Burlesque. I recommend "Show it and Glow it".


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Jury's Out.

HARK! the bloggers have sang, I finally started a blog! I love (most of) my thoughts and I truly believe the world would benefit from hearing and seeing them. 

Now, to say what I love is's nails. I love to nail people. My thoughts will mainly be about tips for long lasting manicures, leaving the chop-shop behind pedicures (shame on you, if you go to one) and then my thoughts on nail lacquers that rock and/or roll. Today, my first post will be different..this is the inspiration that got me on here.

I have a tremendously talented friend, Judy. She is a kick ass seamstress and designer who believes in her craft and work, work, works (and this is my view from 440km away). In my opinion, she is fearless, I have thought that she will accomplish big badass things since I first met her at 17. Albeit, I linger on her starting up the "puff" again...what fabulous designer doesn't smoke?!..(Karl Lagerfeld perhaps). She is purely talented and fierce. Here's my champagne glass (okay, yes, it's really Arizona Iced Tea) giving her the toast she deserves.

Okay, Okay, I couldn't resist this last little thought.. a new drop dead favorite lacquer of mine is China Glaze's Ingrid. If you love army green mixed with a tumble in the mud, this is the perfect choice to dominate your man-icure.

I'm off to go listen to KANSAS and JOURNEY.. this is such a dance-off mix